Can’t touch me anymore. I’m cold,
I’m selfish.
Breathe, why?
The coffee is fresh, the morning just started,
The classical music,
Flitting through the air.
I’m a whisper on the earth,
and I’m just so tired, my eyes ache,
My bones grind, my heart has no beat.
I’ll just disappear for a bit,
For awhile,
Forever,
After all, it’s still morning and the coffee is still fresh.
I don’t feel alive right now, I almost feel untouchable, invincible. Like if anything bad happens, it simply won’t affect me because it simply isn’t possible because none of this is real. My body is a vessel and I’m not even controlling it.
I have no idea what to do, how to go on with my life, I’m just dazed. I feel like something should have happened or I missed something and I was supposed to have this huge revelation about the universe or something but instead I honestly just feel the same.
I feel nothing. Is the feeling you get before a terrible pain ransacks your whole body? The calm before all hell breaks loose. The serene peace I would feel before death yet instead of the grim reaper kneeling in front of my feet it’s actually someone ready to skin me alive, keep me alive. I’m in the middle of the eye of the storm and about to step out into harsh weather conditions, torrents of air buffeting my soft body, my mind being torn apart by howling winds.
Do I even belong anywhere?
You’re not supposed to be selfish but I think there are exceptions; one of those exceptions is living for yourself. To be completely engrossed in your lifestyle and do not let anyone else have it in any way. Don’t live for others, this is your life and well, goddamn, you’re gonna live your life.
There’s no reason to do something to please that kid you barely even know, no reason to fit in if it makes you unhappy, no reason to do things you don’t even enjoy.
I’m not trying to fit in but sometimes it slips. I wanna seem cool, I wanna be popular, I want to be enviable. I end up boasting things I’ve barely done or downplaying things I’m obsessed with if no one else likes it. It’s ridiculously lonely path half the time, I mean, who really enjoys watching anime, British TV shows, Glee and porn? Yet I think, it’s all worth it, because when you’re being selfishly yourself, you attract people who actually like you.
I can’t fall asleep right now, I don’t even want to go to bed. I’m thinking of everything I’ve done and I wonder if I’m the only one who remembers.
Do you ever feel like, the happiest moments of your life, you weren’t even there? Only you seem to remember yourself being there, only you think it’s precious and worth remembering. To everyone else, it’s just another day but to me, it was the most beautiful thing I’ve went through all day.
Every experience I go through, I cup it in my hands, like a delicate baby bird, and shelter it from the world as it grows to a memory that will eventually fly away from me.
I wonder if you feel the same way too, about our memories, or… are you just passing time? Me, happening to be the lucky civilian being brought along for this joy ride. Simply picked up and easily replaceable.
it’s a magical time of the day where the world splits open and ethereal things, whether malevolent or benevolent, escape into the night. Where dreams are exploding into the pearly, black sky and wishes might come true. It’s where we can cleanse the day and purify all the sinful deeds done. It’s a time when you can do things never even thought possible during the day. The night is a cold blanket, familiar to you as you slip it over your body and sag into it’s deep folds.
And your mind goes, starts thinking, questioning.
The bush you passed on your way to school this morning looks sinister, like a person crouching, waiting to snatch you up at night. The conversation you had earlier you thought was friendly turned out to be really a mindless chat. That time he talked to you, which seemed something flirtatious was really him being courteous.
And if anything gets too overbearing, too much, you disappear like the shadows in the alleys. You go to bed, you shut your eyes, you stop living and wait for tomorrow.
I’m having fun, it’s the last semester and I can’t sit down anymore. I want to keep moving, life’s all about the journeys, the trip to get there, the trip to the end of the line; and I don’t want to stop and sit, I want to keep moving, moving to where I need to be. It’s not where I’m going, it’s the fact I’m going somewhere.
I’m not sad, not really, I’m kinda floating on life. I’m not just alive but a part of me is living. Some days I can’t sleep since my heart’s pounding so hard and I’m so excited for all the possibilities.